sigh

i am getting frustrated and disappointed. the things that i have been hoping to happen seems to be not happening. they are just not meant for me, sadly. 

i am just thinking now that maybe, just maybe, there are better things meant for me.

these disappointments should not hinder me in achieving and making the most of what i wanted in life. but still, easier said than done. 

nothing else that i could do but go on in life.

God has better plans for me. ^_^

**WARNING : RANTINGS AHEAD**

im feeling not so good these past few days. feels like nothing great is happening to me. probably just the result of being bored and too lazy in this same-old-shit-different-day-so-called-routines.

yeah, i know its my freaking fault that i am stuck in this pit of boredom. and im blaming this boredom (yeah, not on me.. =P ) that i am back in doing the vice that i am trying to quit for the longest time now (Heaven knows how much i wanted to quit). i just couldnt stop it though i dont feel like doing it (contradicting, huh) anymore. 

been the not so nice bitch lately (but, is there really a “nice” bitch?). i feel a lot better when im working alone  and doing stuffs alone. but probably depends on who i am working or doing those things with.

been up to nothing lately. i just couldnt think of a good hobby. all i could think of is shopping. is it a good one? probably, not so good one.

this “not contented” feeling is slowly taking over me. i sometimes couldnt fathom the things thats been happening in my life. it is slowly becoming im-doing-this-because-i-have-to kind of thing.

and happiness, where art thou? its not like that  i am in the midst of depression that i couldnt feel the presence of happiness. i could sense its presence but the “ultimate” happiness seems to be wandering around and got lost. but what is my definition of “ultimate” happiness?

probably i am becoming the “OC” person that i am (yes i am OC in some ways, believe it or not). been wanting to take control of anything that is happening and going on with my life. i have to make myself realize that not everything that we want will be ours. i have to make myself learn that there are some things that i could not take control of (cause, i am only human). 

but then, no one can really help me pick myself up but me. geez!

…senti mode..

i am very much delighted to see them again after a quarter. It was like “home” once again. but it was short-lived. reality snapped back when its time to go home. 

i miss their company. i miss everything. 

…disappointment…

Its just my 4th week here and I could not help myself but feel disappointed.

I thought I have prepared myself for this but probably not  that successful. 

I am entertaining the thoughts of quitting, this early, on the soonest possible time and hoping that I could leave earlier than the expected time freely.

I aint happy. I aint statisfied. I aint fulfilled.

…

I am supposed to organize my photos taken in Japan. I thought I will not feel sad or anything but then, I am wrong. So, I just decided not to continue. I still need more time. Hopefully by next month I will be able to organize my photos and print out some of them.